Well, I thought I had life all planned out, and, once again, that tanked. Forget about Plan A, I think I'm on Plan O or something by now. You'd think I'd learn to stop with the plans... oh well, I haven't. A couple of months ago I thought that right now I'd be planning for the baby, continuing to spice up the MCSA department at Best Buy alongside my amazing coworkers and maybe even starting to fit in at church with my cute pregnant belly to lure in the curious, chatty women, lol.
Turns out, I'm doing something quite different. I've actually made friends at church all by myself, no baby lure necessary, lol. I was called to be the YW Secretary and I'm thrilled about it! My other big news is that I got another job! I'm finally using my degree (got a Political Science degree back in May), and I got a job with Arapahoe County as a Program Specialist! I start November 7th. Basically I'll be managing case files of welfare recipients and all that entails. I won't bore you with all the details. But I do have to say that I'm looking forward to having regular hours with weekends/holidays off!! Also I'll be in snazzy business dress (except on Fridays because its jean day - woot!) and I'll have my own cubicle, and be making twice what I used to make - can't complain!
Okay now I swear I'm counting my blessings, but I have to add a little more to this post that will have a few less exclamation marks. Even though I'm really excited about my new job, I'm really really really going to miss my coworkers at Best Buy. They are so great and I really have loved working with all of them. It will be really hard to leave my Best Buy family. I've never worked with such kind, thoughtful, respectful, supportive, hilarious people! We have a good time and I will miss it. Customers....not so much :) There are a few regulars I'll miss seeing, but generally, it will be a relief to be done dealing with a constant stream of issues from rude, inconsiderate people. Soapbox moment... When you're shopping, please always remember that the person behind the counter and on the other end of the phone is a PERSON. Thanks. :)
I am trying so hard to be nothing short of excited about the new direction my life is taking, but I admit my grief is holding me back in terms of enthusiasm. I really am very happy about everything that's happening right now with my job and calling and all, but the pain is still there underneath it all. So please don't think I'm ungrateful for my blessings, because I am happy and grateful about what's happening, but I'm also still sad about what's not happening. Hope that makes sense.
So here we go with the next plan whether I like it or not ....
new career, new calling, expanding social life.
Bring it on.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Coping
It has stunned me to discover how many women have been through what I'm going through now. It breaks my heart to think that something so traumatizing could be so common and my heart goes out to all those women who feel or have felt what I'm feeling.
One of the most helpful things has been the people who have told me their stories and shared their grief with me during my own dark time. It's helpful to know I'm not crazy and it's okay to feel this way for however long it takes. I've thought about sharing the details of what I'm feeling and going through here since it was so helpful to hear the stories of others, but I'm not comfortable posting everything about my experience in this setting. However, if you or someone you know ever needs to talk, please feel free to contact me and I'll be happy to talk about it. I've found that I actually prefer being open about my experience with others who ask and are understanding, and it can be a very healing experience to share even the deepest pain when it's with someone experiencing the same pain you are. Especially since it's so painful to talk to people about it who make it obvious that they don't understand. So if anyone needs an understanding ear, my offer stands indefinitely. Just wanted to put that out there.
Also, THANK YOU to all those who have reached out to me either through comments, emails, conversations, flowers, or anonymous prayers. I love you and thank you so much. No amount of advice counts for much in a situation like this and no one can fix it, but love helps. So thank you for your love.
I'm still never too far from tears, and this still hurts more than I can express. I can't believe it's been over a month. People have said the pain will never go away but that it will get easier to deal with, and so far that has held true. But life is marching on and I'm dealing with my grief in the quiet moments that I have alone as the rest of my life speeds along as usual. So I'm functioning just fine, and even moving forward, but I know I'll never be the same.
One of the most helpful things has been the people who have told me their stories and shared their grief with me during my own dark time. It's helpful to know I'm not crazy and it's okay to feel this way for however long it takes. I've thought about sharing the details of what I'm feeling and going through here since it was so helpful to hear the stories of others, but I'm not comfortable posting everything about my experience in this setting. However, if you or someone you know ever needs to talk, please feel free to contact me and I'll be happy to talk about it. I've found that I actually prefer being open about my experience with others who ask and are understanding, and it can be a very healing experience to share even the deepest pain when it's with someone experiencing the same pain you are. Especially since it's so painful to talk to people about it who make it obvious that they don't understand. So if anyone needs an understanding ear, my offer stands indefinitely. Just wanted to put that out there.
Also, THANK YOU to all those who have reached out to me either through comments, emails, conversations, flowers, or anonymous prayers. I love you and thank you so much. No amount of advice counts for much in a situation like this and no one can fix it, but love helps. So thank you for your love.
I'm still never too far from tears, and this still hurts more than I can express. I can't believe it's been over a month. People have said the pain will never go away but that it will get easier to deal with, and so far that has held true. But life is marching on and I'm dealing with my grief in the quiet moments that I have alone as the rest of my life speeds along as usual. So I'm functioning just fine, and even moving forward, but I know I'll never be the same.
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