May 15, 2012

Last fall we were told that today, May 15, 2012, was the day we would welcome a new baby into our home.  Well, life is unpredictable and the greatest joy we've ever experienced was taken from us not long after it began.  So on this day there is no baby to bring home as we once thought there would be.  But we are still so blessed.  We have a little one up in heaven waiting for us to join her.  Our angel girl may not be here today, but she is somewhere far better.  Selfishly, we'd love to have her here and hold her close.  But she couldn't be in a better place than where she is right now and it brings me indescribable peace to know she's safe and happy.  (We never found out the gender from a doctor but I knew she was a girl)

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to acknowledge this day.  I'm choosing to share a little of what we decided on in case it's helpful to anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation (though I hope none of you ever do).  We are simply setting aside the evening to talk openly about our feelings and having a simple dinner together.  We have some white roses for her and lit some candles in her honor.  We are also opening a gift that I have had wrapped and sitting on our dresser for the last few months.  The gift is a figurine from Willow Tree that is symbolic of our angel daughter.  It will sit in our curio cabinet to remind us that she is in a beautiful place and will always be ours.  On the day that we intended to bring her home, I thought we should at least bring a symbol of her into our home.

On this special day we are grieving what could have been, but grateful for what is, and hopeful for what can be.  We will always remember the joy our daughter briefly brought to our world and hope to live to be worthy to join her in heaven and finally hold her someday.

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This is a collection of quotes from meaningful songs by Jessie Clark Funk, Gordon True, Celine Dion, Diamond Rio, and Josh Groban.


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"I know the plan was having you here.  Sometimes what's best is so unclear.  Baby girl, put your hand in mine while I walk through the fire that refines."  


"I don't know how it happened, but it did.  I don't know why it's over, but it is."


"Stay little angel, stay and grant us heaven's grace.  I've waited to hold your hands, I've prayed I would hear your voice, dreamed of the beauty of your face."


"This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you." 


"Lead her to a place, guide her with Your grace, to a place where she'll be safe."

"Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind.  Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me."


"I'm missing you tonight, but I'll see you again sometime.  For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight."


"Are you playing and dancing above?  Momma's aching to give you her love.  There's a smile I can't wait to see, a lullaby that you'd love to sing.  Just to know I'll hold you again is the gift I'll hold until then."


"There was another world before our time where I was yours and you were mine.  I hoped to give you life and watch you grow, to teach you all you would need to know.  But I understand there was a bigger plan for you.  So now I will ask you to stay, little angel, watch over me and make me strong.  Lift me when I am weak, walk with me when I'm lost, til I'm back home where I belong."


"You are my forever love and you are watching over me from up above."

"Father of us all, You know the reason that she's gone.  

She's in my heart, but in Your arms."